If You’re Not Going To Listen To Me
Moving on from organizations that you have an investment in.
I recently took the Clifton Strengths assessment. I love an assessment. Give me the Meyers-Briggs (INTJ) or Enneagram type (5 — the investigator). I love learning about who I am. Hell, I love learning! I never want to work in a job where I can’t learn. I love organizations that teach me something. I was not surprised when Clifton Strengths turned around and told me my top strength was learning and my second was input.
What do these mean? Basically what I knew — I love learning, collecting data, and sharing it either by teaching it or curating it for others. There are three other top strengths that the basic assessment identified but today I want to focus on how these top two impacted some decision-making.
I’m often part of writing support groups. I like this type of group because I get to offer and ask for help when it's needed. Of the two I’ve been in for the past decade of my life, I’ve been feeling frustrated in meetings. In both, I’m one of the more experienced authors. I’ve been writing and publishing for a few years now. I have multiple books out and I’m always trying to get a handle on marketing. I’m often asked for help or give advice during meetings. I’m often happy to give it but I get frustrated when it's ignored.
To be honest, I don’t think that this frustration is a reflection of my strengths. I suspect most people would be frustrated and even angry if someone ignored the advice that had been asked for. I’m not shy about speaking up about my frustration and did. Where my strength came in is that I realized I’ve stopped learning in these groups. I’m not triggering my strengths.
This got me thinking about how people move on from organizations. Part of me is a huge fan of burning a bridge but that’s not a positive way to do this. That often comes from a place of anger and pain. If a group has driven you to burn that bridge as you leave, I’m so sorry it got so bad for you.
I’ve seen others quietly leave with no fuss. These are usually people who didn’t feel a heavy investment in the group or have made a faux pas they want to draw attention to again.
Some leave because of life changes that make it impossible to continue — a move or job change that makes them unavailable. Very often these people are celebrated when they leave, the group thanking them and celebrating their work.
But what about those like me? Those who have built a group but aren’t gaining anything from their participation? Those who are feeling ignored, frustrated, and out of sync with the group’s needs? You don’t want to burn a bridge, fade away, or celebrate a departure. You don’t really want to leave; you want to feel valued again.
I spent much of the end of 2020 trying to think about how to manage this without cutting off a group of people I enjoyed. I realized there was a way for me to use my learning and input strengths to support the group in monthly workshops.
You don’t have to leave, you can change. For me, it came from the unofficial leadership position I was in and the needs I knew about from speaking to others. I knew I wasn’t the only one who wanted workshops. Because I felt comfortable talking to others in the group about my frustrations. Because I shared with people, I was able to stay with the group but walk away from the part of it that frustrated me. This allows me to use my strengths to keep supporting other writers.
